I have rarely spoken on what we have been through with Brody, and how it has affected our family. I felt with the auction coming up it was a good time to post this. I have also heard from some close friends that people are afraid to ask me what is going on. Please don't be. I have to say that I know Jake doesn't like to talk about it, so if you have questions you can ask me. There are a lot of things I have learned over the past year and a half (Gosh it seems like way longer since he has been diagnosed.) At first we were overcome with a bittersweet feeling that he finally (after a lot of testing, like 3 years of it) was diagnosed. Then we realized that this was a lot more serious of a condition. It can't just be fixed with medicine. Medicine can supress the symptoms but ultimately he will need a heart transplant some day. Basically the stats are you have 100 kids 80 of them will recieve a heart in time. Of those 80 about 50 of them will live longer then 2 years after their transplant. We also realized he is at high risk for sudden cardiac failure. Which was hard. We noticed ourselves clinging more tightly to Brody. I was talking about it with my good friend Amy and she politely reminded me that any one of my kids could get hit by a car at anytime. (me and amy are always straight shooting with each other.) I grasped what she was saying, but I don't think I totally grasped it until Logan was trampled by a horse. I remember Jake carrying him in the house and he was bleeding out his ear. Jake put him in the van and took off. As soon as he left with out me, (what the heck was he thinking?) I called April to come sit with the other kids, when she answered the phone I just lost it. She hurried over, and on her way over I remember thinking and praying (I know this will sound very dramatic, but Logan was really hurt, and I wasn't sure if he was hemoragging or what. ) Please Heavenly Father don't take him. It was then I realized that Amy was right. No matter what any of us could lose someone at anytime. I know this sounds crazy but I am lucky that I know about Brody, at least it won't be totally unexpected.
I have realized over the last year or so that we should always live like that song by Diamond Rio "one more day". There are so many things that are less important in our lives. Things we have gotten rid of. It is different for every family, but for us it has been TV. We need to be building memories. Even if are children are well. In the song it says "Last night I had a crazy dream, a wish was granted just for me, I could wish for anything, I didn't wish for money or a mansion with a pool, I simply wished for one more day with you. One more day, one more time, one more suset baby I'd be satisfied, but then again I know what it would do, leave me wishing still for one more day with you. First thing I would do is pray for time to crawl, I'd unplug the telephone, turn the TV off, I'd hold you every second say a million I love yous, that's what i'd do with one more day with you." The song has made me realize what we have with gospel. We do have One More Day. We don't need to wish for one more day. We are a family forever. We need to live our covenants so we can have one more day with our families. It is but a short time apart. Now I am not saying that we are perfect. Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we have hard days or hard months. There are times when we feel sorry for ourselves, but then we remember the Plan of Happiness that our Heavenly Father has for us all and we know that if anything does happen to Brody that he will ALWAYS be our son, because of our Heavenly Fathers plan, and the covenants we have made (and strive to keep) in the temple.
We are so grateful for our eternal family, and the peace that it brings to us in our "down" times. We are grateful for each day we have with EACH member of our family. We know it is precious, and is a gift from our Heavenly Father. We know He has a plan for our family, and we are willing to follow the Lord's will. Whatever it may be. The Lord knows our hearts and knows what we want for our son, but HE is OUR Father, just like we know what is best for our children, HE knows what is best for our family, and ultimately for Brody.
Like I said earlier, I know this post sounds dramatic, and I didn't post it for attention. I posted it so people would know how we feel, how we are doing, and who they can talk to. To those of you who have listened to me rant and rave, or talk about Dr. appts. Thank you. Thanks for being my shoulder, not batting an eye if I cry and not making it awkward. We thank all of you for the prayers on our behalf. We love you all.
If you want to keep up to date you can go to www.caringbridge.org/visit/brodysabin and click on subscribe and it will update you each time I update. Also I will try to put serious updates on the blog.